A Question for YOU!

by Kimberly on January 20, 2011

Do you know what breaks my heart? One of the biggest reasons people come to my site isn’t just because their child has a serious health problem like heart defects or cancer. They come because not only is their child struggling (and they are too) but because THEY’VE BEEN HURT BY OTHER CHRISTIANS. The very people they should feel safe and supported by are hurting them. I’ve been there too.
This is a serious topic. I would like to know how I can better serve you in addressing this issue. My question to you is really two, “Have you been hurt by fellow Christians? In what way?”
Do you feel unwelcome in church? Has your faith been belittled? Have you been stung by harsh words.
You are welcome to share below in the comment box, but because this is a sensitive matter, you are welcome to e-mail your answers to me at kimberly@kimberlyehlers.com .
Thank you for doing this. I believe this something that God wants to put an end to (Christians hurting others). He also wants to heal the hurt you’ve suffered.

In His Love,
Kimberly

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Tagged as: hurt by Christians, sick child

  • euterpe68

    I have been hurt by my ‘brothers’ and ‘sisters’. I am sure I am not the first or only, but you just don’t see it coming from people who go to church. At least that’s what I thought as a naive’ new church-attendee. I was so excited about being with my ‘new family’ and thought they felt the same. I soon began to realize that being a part of the church sometimes felt like high school and that there were ‘cliques’ and I soon became very disillusioned by ‘the church’. That was many years ago and I now realize that we all do things and are not perfect but the idea of ‘playing church’ is nauseating to me. I have been going to a small church and it has been great. I feel I’ve had a lot of growth and do feel like a ‘part of a family’. Today one of the members of my ‘old church’ came to our church and all the feelings of hurt came flooding back. I just wanted to leave church~I wanted to run from the pain from the previous years~from how this person had hurt me. I thought of Joseph, and how his brothers had treated him and how he forgave and even embraced them years later. I am sorry to say I have no feeling of ever ‘embracing’ any of those people ever again. I know I need to forgive, but it is very hard. Any advice on how handle this situation?

    Thank You,
    Sandra :)

  • Kimberly

    Hi, Sandra,
    First off, thank you so much for sharing your situation with us. Sadly, I am sure that many others understand exactly what you mean.
    I love how you said that “playing” church is nauseating. I am in complete agreement with you.
    You are absolutely right that we are to forgive. It’s a commandment given by God. The problem is that it’s not easy to do. It’s by the grace of God that we can forgive. My suggestion to you is to honestly think about whether or not you even want to forgive the old church and it’s members. If you do, begin the journey to forgiveness by asking God to: 1. heal the hurt they’ve caused 2. help you to forgive . BUT, if you find that you don’t want to forgive (which, by the way, is normal), begin there. Ask God to help you to even want to forgive them. Basically, I encourage you to be honest with God about your feelings and ask for His constant help to forgive. (You may even find that you need to ask His forgiveness for not forgiving – did that make sense? :) )
    One of the misconceptions that I believe many Christians have about love and forgiveness is how we deal with the person who’s hurt us. God may lead you to a totally loving relationship where you do want to embrace this person some day. (He does do amazing things!) BUT, one way that we show love to others is by speaking truth to them. We think we’re being forgiving if we act like everything’s OK, while on the inside we boil. I think God makes it very clear throughout the Bible that we are to speak the truth. This person may need to hear truth about their behavior so that they can be set free from a sin. (Now, of course, it’s not for us to pin point their sin.) We do have to be prepared for them to not accept the truth we’ve told them, but, at least, you have honored God. To be able to forgive this church or, at least, this particular person, you may need to speak to them about how they hurt you.
    Also, be prepared to give yourself some grace. When you deal with this person, you may not do it the “perfect” Christian way. We all hope that we can speak the truth in love, but sometimes it doesn’t come out that way. All that you can do is keep giving it to God, seek His healing and His help – keep taking steps to forgiving.
    You may also find that God doesn’t lead you to speak to this person. He can still help you to have peace and a love for that person that isn’t the embracing kind.
    I encourage you to fight for this new church that you love so much by fighting to be free from the hurt this old church has caused – and that means, fight to forgive.
    Sometimes, God brings forgiveness right away, sometimes it takes time. Be patient with yourself as God takes you on this journey.
    Sandra, please keep in touch. I’ll be praying for you!

    In His Love,
    Kimberly

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