Guilt

Hope for a Life Free of Fear by Kimberly Ehlers

by Kimberly on August 9, 2010

“The wicked man flees though no one pursues, but the righteous are bold as a lion,” (New International Version, Proverbs 28:1).

Picture with me the scared little man hiding in the shadows.  He crouches down, eyes wide, seeing every movement around him.  He fears the results (real and imagined) of his bad choices seeking their payment.  They are the consequences and he knows he has to suffer them.  Ironically, he already is suffering and they haven’t even found him yet!  BUT, if they catch up to him, their punishment would be worse than living in fear, or so he believes.  He is the wicked man, living with the results of his wicked ways, always sure someone or something is after him.  He is the man King Solomon is talking about.

Can I ask you a couple of questions?  Are you full of fear too?  Has that fear caused you to feel wicked?    Right now, you may feel like that man hiding from the possible results of your child’s illness, the outcome of upcoming tests, or all the “what ifs” that plague your thoughts.  You may be shaking with fear for your child on the inside.  That fear you feel can make you feel guilty too.  It can condemn you, especially through Scripture, and call you, “Wicked!”  It will say to you, “You are not living as bold as a lion.  You are not righteous.  You are that scared little man!  If you were a real Christian, you would not be afraid.  You have failed God.”  Fear loves to point out all the ways we are failing. 

I hope you can take this all into your heart.  It is a lesson I wish I had learned.  For so long, I believed I was failing God in my fear.  If I were a good Christian, my faith should have been stronger, right?  I was failing to trust, to have faith, and to be a good Child of God.  Those feelings drove a huge wedge between me and God.  I was not only afraid but unworthy, so, in shame and guilt, I kept my distance from Him.  Then there were the times my fear caused me to be flat out angry with God – insert another wedge!  Fear is consuming.  It affects who you are and how you relate to God.  It dictates how you see yourself.

Child of God, even though your heart is overcome by fear, it is not you in this passage. There is a BIG difference between you and that man, if you have trusted Jesus as your Savior.  The truth is you are righteous, dear one!  “For as by one man’s disobedience many were made sinners, so also by one Man’s obedience many will be made righteous,” (New King James Version, Romans 5:19).  “For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation,” (New King James Version, Romans 10:10).  Drink in what that means for all of us believers.  Jesus died for our sins, if we believe in Him as our Lord and Savior, He makes us righteous. 

What does it mean to be righteous?  These are some of the definitions I found at bluteletterbible.org: upright, virtuous, keeping the commands of God, innocent, faultless, guiltless, approved of or acceptable of God.  Reread those words again.  Do any grab your heart?  Talk with God about why that word grabs you.  I can tell you that when God has squeezed my heart by words it’s because He wants me to experience healing.  He wants that for you too.

Now, being called righteous doesn’t mean that we always behave righteously.  It’s not a free pass to Sin City.  We can’t say, “I’m righteous, so I can do what I want!”  It also doesn’t mean that we automatically become bold.  It means that we have everything, well, the 1 thing, we need to overcome our mistakes, our sins and our fears.  We have Jesus.  We do not have to wallow in the mire of sin or fear.  Jesus is our Savior from Hell, Satan, and ourselves. 

What does righteous living look like?  First, understand that you can not make yourself “bold as a lion”.  Do not waste time beating yourself up for being more of a frightened mouse than a lion.  If you do, you will only find yourself further from God.  Truly know that we can not conjure up God sized boldness.  We can only receive it.  Embracing and living in our righteousness and its powerful results takes time.  It takes allowing God to work out His plan for you.  He’s going deep after those heart matters that cause your fear in the first place.  He wants to destroy their stronghold.

If you have weeds growing in your lawn, will you choose the weed killer that you have to use over and over again because it just kills the top part of the weed or will you choose the spray that gets down into the plant killing the roots and all?  God wants you to be free permanently from fear.  Just as killing the roots will kill the weed; killing the root of your fear will kill the fear itself.  That takes time because our root systems are large and complicated.  The hurts of life have grown those roots into a messy tangled up ball.

When you recognize that by God’s grace you have been made righteous, you have something more powerful than any fear.  You always have the hope of being “bold as a lion”, no matter what your child’s illness causes you to face.  You have the hope that you will be lifted up out of your worry and fear.  You don’t have to stay crouched down hiding.  God is holding out his hand, extending his righteousness to you.  All you have to do is have the courage to grab on.

Grabbing on is simple.  You pray.  You give every fear that you have to God, asking Him to intervene – easing your worry and working for His very best in this situation.  When Scripture makes you feel guilty, confess the sin it reveals.  If you do not receive the peace of forgiveness, you know it’s a false-guilt – something that isn’t yours to bear.  Pray for His truth and protection from the enemies lies.  Ask Him to forgive your fears and doubts.  You also ask Him to continue to make you righteous and help you to trust Him so that you can be “bold as a lion”.  Then, you sit back and let God work on your root system.  Unlike a weed, this process can hurt us.  Our fear usually comes from something very painful.  To remove it, means to dig it up.  This is when we have to decide to trust the Good Gardner.  He knows what He’s doing and His work will make you flourish as a healthy Christian.  Someday His scared little mouse will become that bold lion all under His wise care.

In His Love,

Kimberly

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Are you ready to be “bold as a lion”?  Or just wanting to be free of fear?  If so, you are ready for “The Faith Challenge“!  Begin your transformation from scared little mouse to bold lion today!

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It’s Time to Get Out of the Pool of Guilt and Swim in His Sea of Grace by Kimberly Ehlers

by Kimberly on May 6, 2010

It was such an honor to speak at Cindy Rushton’s Ultimate Homeschool Expo last Monday.  I love the opportunity to connect with other Moms who also have precious little ones with health issues.  I remember feeling so alone when Seth was little.  I’m sure there were other families facing their own health issues, but I didn’t know about them.  It’s such a gift to find friends who really understand.  Even though our situations are different, we are so much a like – parents who love their children passionately and are dependent on God for help.  Parents afraid for their child’s future.
     While making this connection with other moms is wonderful, can I tell you something?  It’s also heart breaking.  I met one mother after another who’s swimming in a pool of guilt.  They may be different looking pools, but the result is the same – they are bogged down in guilt.  I understand how you’re feeling, I’ve been there myself.  Sometimes our pools of guilt come from feeling away we don’t think we should feel.  “I should be thankful instead of worried (or angry or fearful or whatever it is we feel).”  “I should be grateful because things could be worse.” 
     We also swim in guilt for “failing” our child.  We beat ourselves up thinking, “I should have caught it sooner.”  “I didn’t do enough to help.”  “I missed the warning signs.”  When I was pregnant with Seth, we decided not to do an ultrasound.  I can’t help but wonder if we would have had it done, would we have been able to do anything to limit the damage done to his over worked heart?  (His heart was working double time to get his blood where it was supposed to go.) 
     There are so many ways for us to “fail” as parents!  There’s a list of things that we’re not doing well enough.  I should be: more patient, kinder, happier, wiser, more organized, more spontaneous…  We could keep going, right?  But, there’s also the list of things we want to stop doing: being so stressed out, being grumpy, and on and on the list grows.
     Sometimes, we  actually pull ourselves out of one pool of guilt just to dive into the next.  Dear one, God wants us to climb out of the pool of guilt and swim in His sea of grace.  Listen to His words and let them speak to your heart:
      “Seeing then that we have a great High Priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession.  For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin.  Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need,”(Hebrews 4: 14-16, NKJ).  I love The Message’s version, “Now that we know what we have—Jesus, this great High Priest with ready access to God—let’s not let it slip through our fingers. We don’t have a priest who is out of touch with our reality. He’s been through weakness and testing, experienced it all—all but the sin. So let’s walk right up to him and get what he is so ready to give. Take the mercy, accept the help.”  Oh, sweet parent, take the mercy, accept the help!
     I looked up the definition of grace at Dictionary.com, and, honestly, was surprised by what I read.  I have been belittling the meaning of grace!  This is how this site defines grace: the freely given, unmerited favor and love of god, the influence or spirit of God operating in humans to regenerate or strengthen them,  also called state of grace.  The condition of being in God’s favor or one of the elect.
     Do you hear that?  We have His unearned favor!  He wants to renew and help us!  Doesn’t that sound so good to your hurting heart?  Let God give you the grace that He so desperately wants to give you.  Your guilt has built up a dam holding back the flood of grace He’s ready to pour on you.  Let Him break down that dam!
     I want to share a lesson that God has recently taught me.  As part of a class at church, I had to make a timeline of the major events (good and bad) in my life.  When I did that, it clearly showed 15 years of one major event after another, mostly dealing with Seth’s health.  I felt God whisper to my heart, “No wonder you were so stressed!”  He always knew it, but I had to see my stress in black and white.  Do you know what else God has done?  Well, He didn’t condemn me, I had done that enough.  He helped me to accept the grace and forgiveness that He had waiting for me behind the dam I had built up.  I’m still learning about His grace, even as I write this, but I’m ready to swim in it, aren’t you?  I want to splash and play and enjoy His favor.  I want to float peacefully knowing that He is there ready to catch me.
     I’m not just saying this to make us feel good.  Let’s look at the heart of God and hear the great love He has for us,
“I taught Ephraim to walk,
      Taking them by their arms;
      But they did not know that I healed them.
      I drew them with gentle cords,
      With bands of love,
      And I was to them as those who take the yoke from their neck.
      I stooped and fed them.”
                                            Hosea 11: 3-4 (New King James)
    

     That’s the Father we serve.  The dependable Daddy holding us by the hand, helping us to walk.  The gentle Father longing for His children.  Let that soak into your soul.  I encourage you to read all of Hosea Chapter 11 to really understand God’s desire for relationship with us.
     I have a question for you.  What would you say to a friend going through what you’re going through?  Would you slap her wrist and condemn her for not being a good enough Christian or mom?  No, as a friend, you would pour out grace on her, wouldn’t you?  You would support and encourage her.  You would pray for her.  When you find that, once again, you’re beating yourself up, please remember this question – what would you say to a friend?  Then, say it to yourself.  If you wouldn’t condemn your friend, don’t throw stones at yourself.
     Now, this is not a license to sin and be cruel.  If there’s one thing we learn from Jesus let it be that He is our Savior.  If we repent of our sin the price has already been paid.  There is no condemnation for us.  “There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit,” (Romans 8:1, New King James).  We still sin, but it is not who we are any more.  We are His children.  We are forgiven.  The problem is that we tend to be overly critical of ourselves because of our love for our child and our stress.  We repent and seek forgiveness, but we don’t let Him give it to us.
     Take some time to dream.  Dream about what you want your family life to be like.  What kind of parent do you want to be?  Do you long to be happy and enjoy every moment that you can?  Think about what is most important to you.  What would a wonderful day look like?  Lay that dream at Jesus’ feet and let Him help you chase it.
     It all begins with the determination to get out of the pool of guilt.  Ask Him to destroy the dam you’ve built that holds back His grace.  Then, get ready to swim in His sea of grace!

In His Love,

Kimberly

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Ready to swim in His grace, but have too much holding you down in the pool of guilt?  Get to know your Father while you let go of the fears and worries that keep you stuck with “The Faith Challenge”.

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You’re Being Lied to… by Kimberly Ehlers

by Kimberly on February 21, 2010

Sweet parent, there’s a truth God wants you to know.  There’s a truth that you need to know and that your family needs you to live.  If you can embrace this truth it will change your life and the lives of those you love most.

Please read this slowly and let it water your soul:  You are the perfect Mother for your child.  Fathers, you are the perfect Dad for your son or daughter.  Can you say that to yourself?  Do so.  Let your heart hear those words out loud.

Yes, you and your mistakes, your fears, your dreams, your strengths and weaknesses.  Everything about you that makes you unique also makes you the only one who is the right person for this job.  God wanted you, no one else to be your child’s mom or dad.

The saddest part is that you are the one telling yourself the lie that you aren’t good enough, that you are a failure.  I’m right, aren’t I?  It’s your voice whispering those hurtful words.

How do I know you’re the perfect parent for your child?

The more I am able to talk with parents, the more in awe I am of God’s planning.  I’ve been blessed to meet parents who have such peace about their child’s health.  Their faith is so big and they trust God come what may.  God seems to be using their faith to touch others as they follow the steps the doctor has laid out.

Other parents cry out to God against those man made plans (I would be one of them:)).  We pray without ceasing for better – for a miracle!

But, always, I see families in very unique circumstances that call for different responses.  None of our situations are the same and that’s why none of us are the same.

I also see parents who are meeting their child’s emotional needs in just the right way at just the right time.  Sometimes children need us to be strong and fearless.  Sometimes they need to know it’s OK to be afraid.  Your tender heart that wants to do better for your child is the same tender heart that makes you alone perfect to meet their needs.

How do we get this way?  Where does this belief that we’re failures come from?  I believe it’s because we spend too much time comparing our faults to other parents’ perceived “perfections”. We look at the outside world and see Moms and Dads with qualities we admire and wish we had.  We have to know that their children are not our children.  Their purpose is not ours.  God has a plan for each family and each individual. Jeremiah 29:11 is one of my favorite verses (you’ll hear me refer to it a lot) because it shows that He plans our lives and His plans are GOOD! “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope” (NKJ).   Notice He didn’t say anything about making us like everyone else. 

God knows us like no other.  He knew from the beginning how we would respond to our child’s health challenge and every other aspect of their lives.  I believe its all part of His plan.  If I can’t sit back and peacefully accept poor health for my child, maybe it’s because I’m not suppose to.

There’s another reason why we don’t know the truth about who we really are as daughters and sons of God.  We have too much “stuff” in our hearts that shouldn’t be there.  That’s why we need to examine our hearts on a regular basis.  We have to recognize our sins and our messy motives so that we can give them to Him (ask for forgiveness and help).  Then, we have to accept His forgiveness.  I don’t want to hurt you, but did you know that refusing to accept His forgiveness is actually another sin?  Yep, it’s called “false guilt”.  It’s a sin because it interferes with our relationship with God.

It’s so critical to get those sins out of the way so that we can be close to God.  We’re dependent on His guidance in this journey, aren’t we?  We can only recognize the path He lays out for us by spending time with Him.  Reading His Word and praying help us to know His voice and follow His lead.

Feeling overwhelmed by all of this and don’t know where to start?  I can’t recommend the “Messy Motives and Wrong-Way Roads” bundle enough.  I’m right there to help you step by step through the unpleasant process.  Yes, I admit looking at our own sin is not fun, but it’s so worth it!  The freedom you gain from being bogged down with junk plus the closer relationship with God is amazing. 

In that beautiful freeing relationship with your Father, you will finally believe the truth – you are the perfect parent for your child.

Don’t forget, I’m only an e-mail away (Kimberly@kimberlyehlers.com) and a whole group of parents just like you is waiting to support you at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ParentsHTH/

In His Love,
Kimberly
www.kimberlyehlers.com

This Could Be the Most Important Article You Ever Read… by Kimberly Ehlers

by Kimberly on January 13, 2010

This could also be the most important thing I ever write.

If you have a child with serious health challenges, you are probably suffering from a terrible disease and don’t even realize it.  It’s so important that you become aware of it and begin the battle for your health.  No, it’s not a disease of the flesh and bone.  It’s a disease of the soul, and it’s just as deadly.  It grows from lies and is fed by stress and guilt.  If this disease continues to flourish and grow, it will destroy God’s creation – you.

This article is different then most.  It’s much longer than a regular post so I’ve made it available to you as a  FREE download.  To read more of this very important article, follow this link.  If you would like to download it, please right click and then choose Save Target As.   To print, simply click as normal.

God has laid so much on my heart to tell you, please don’t miss what He wants you to hear!

In His Love,

Kimberly

Messy Motives and Wrong Way Roads by Kimberly Ehlers

by Kimberly on January 3, 2010

Feeling brave today?  Ready for a motives check?  Brace yourself, here it goes!  How do you read the Bible?  Or, better yet, why do you read God’s Word? 

As a parent of a child with serious health challenges our motives can easily become murky.  Reading for His guidance can become a tool to manipulate His Word.  We can read between the lines and make it say what we want or we can misuse His Word convinced He’s telling us something He’s not.  Wait a minute!  Those reasons sound the same, don’t they?  The difference is in our goal or our motivation, the route we choose to get us to two very different destinations.

The first (reading between the lines) is the Happy Trails route.  We take this road when we read what we want to read, looking for guidance that confirms our desires.  We want the beautiful scenic route full of sunshine, so we search God’s word for encouragement while also shutting off God’s voice.  We read to solidify our own hope, and we miss out on His Message.  Because of our motivation, the encouragement we gain is a false encouragement.  In the end, we arrive at our destination shocked because it wasn’t where we thought we would be.  We’re frustrated and confused – our hope and encouragement were built on sand and not His rock after all.

The second route we can take is the very opposite (misusing His Word).  It’s the Road to Self-Destruction.  This is the road we take when we’re looking for guidance sure we’re doing something wrong.  We’re searching Scripture for our mistake and how to remedy it.  We use God’s Word to condemn ourselves for our self-perceived failures.   For example, I can read Phil. 4: 6-7, “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God;  and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus” (NKJV) and say to myself, “See?!  This is why I don’t have peace.  This is why I worry all the time.  I’m anxious about everything!  God says not to be anxious.  I’m sinning!  IT’S ALL MY FAULT!!”  We miss the part that explains it is He who will give us peace that we can’t understand, the peace that guards our hearts and minds.  When He does that then we will not be anxious.  In our need to find a reason for why all of this is happening, it’s too easy to blame ourselves.  Do we really think God is so cruel to only give us peace after we’ve gotten rid of our own anxiety?  That doesn’t make sense does it?  But, that’s often what we think. 

This was just one example of a verse I often see abused or, worse yet, used against us parents.  Has a well meaning person told you not to be anxious but to “trust in God”?  There is nothing more impossible than to not worry about your child, right?  Philippians 4: 6-7 shows us that God does not ask us to do something impossible without helping us to do it.  Because of Him (not you), you can have peace.  It’s His promise.

There’s one more road we can also take – one more not so good reason to read the Bible.  It’s the “Manipulate God” path, and it’s tricky.  It’s easy to find yourself all of the sudden taking this route.  It’s based out of our need for Him.  We’re dependent on God, and His Word draws us close to Him.  What?  That sounds good, doesn’t it?  Yes, it does sound good, but once again, we have to check our motives.  If our motives are not pure, our desperation for His presence can lead us to use the discipline of reading Scripture as a way to manipulate Him into our lives and into action.  We believe the act will make us holy, and He will then deem our prayers worthy of being answered.  Are we desperate for our Father or desperate for what He can do?  Ouch.  Tough question, huh?
 
If our motives are pure, we are desperate for His Word because we love Him.  We want to know Him more.  We want to spend time with Him.  Is God’s Word, “more precious to me than thousands of pieces of silver and gold (Psalm 119:72)” to us?

OK, what if our motives haven’t been so pure?  What can we do?  Well, the first thing NOT to do, is beat yourself up.  We’re human, our wants, our love for others, and our hurts will all effect how and why we spend time with God.  But, you know what, He knows that.  He’s not surprised, AND He still loves us!  He loves us so much that we don’t have to solve this problem of messy motives by ourselves.  We only have to take a very simple step, and that’s to ask His forgiveness and then ask Him to purify our motives.  That’s it.  Really.  (Oh, it doesn’t hurt to ask Him to purify us often.  We all need it!)

It does help to be able to identify your un-pure motives clearly.  When you can see it, you can name it and give it to God.  It also becomes easier for you to recognize it when it rears it’s ugly head allowing you to stop it in it’s tracks.  It isn’t always easy to identify messy motives, let me help with this powerful tool “Messy Motives and Wrong Way Roads Bundle“.

Believe me, it’s a prayer He loves.  I’ve been on many Wrong Way Roads with my own messy motives, and He’s always gently picked me up and placed me on the right path.  He’ll do the same for you, my friend, so, what are you waiting for?  Ask!  He loves a heart that wants to desire Him purely!

In His Love,

Kimberly

If you made it through this article (wink!), you’re ready for “The Faith Challenge”!  Leave the messy motives and wrong way roads behind for a strong, pure faith that pleases Him.  You can find The Faith Challenge here:

www.kimberlyehlers.com/the-faith-challenge