“The worst prison would be a closed heart.”
Pope John Paul II
The prison of a heart is dark and lonely. Too hurt from the past, the door remains securely locked, tightly shut off from everything good. Hope knocks on the door, only to be ignored. Peace and Happiness, even Joy, want to come in, only to see the prison walls actually grow and fortify themselves against their attempts. Safety is all that the heart seeks. Too never be hurt again, it has too harden with anger and bitterness. Feeling those emotions has to be better than to dream with happiness and hope only to be disappointed AGAIN. Yes, it’s much better, much safer to be bitter. The “worst prison” is dependable.
When you have a child facing a serious health challenge, more than likely you have experienced unanswered prayers or have clearly received a “no” from God. We all have had those times, but when God says, “No,” to helping our child something happens to our heart. It starts to harden; it becomes that prison Pope John Paul II warns us about. Listen also to the warning that King Solomon gives us,
“Blessed is the man who always fears the LORD, but he who hardens his heart falls into trouble,” (Proverbs 28:14, New International Version).
While our harden heart gives us a prison that feels safe and reliable, it doesn’t stay that way. While anything good has no way of getting in, we invite everything ugly inside our prison gates. We think that they will strengthen our walls and will keep the hurt out, so we encourage them to come. We don’t realize that their wickedness eats our heart from the inside out.
Our prayers weren’t answered so we justify our new doubt in God. How can we believe He’s good, loving, kind, faithful, and sovereign, like the Bible says? He didn’t just not answer our prayer; he hurt us more than any man could. He didn’t take care of our child, the one person we would lay down our life for. We may still believe that He’s the creator and judge, but our correct fear of the LORD has been destroyed. We do not want a relationship with Him. We will not sit in awe of Him. We’d much rather harden our hearts and keep Him out.
You may be thinking that you have had faith and loved Him whole-heartedly and still fell into trouble. Unfortunately, as we know, being a Christian and having a right fear of the LORD doesn’t mean we won’t have trouble. How I wish it did! The Bible is full of stories of God’s people facing horrendous struggles. They suffered. Some received their deliverances when they clung to God. We, like the others in those Bible stories, can fall into more and deeper trouble without God. (The Old Testament is a cycle of God’s people living in relationship with Him, then turning away and suffering, then coming back to Him.)
I know this isn’t pleasant, but let’s be honest about some of the troubles your hard heart can cause you to fall into. You will probably come up with more on your own, and if you feel brave enough, I’d encourage you to share them below in the comment box. You could be helping someone else identify their own struggle. Once it’s identified it’s much easier to give to God and let Him set you free.
One of the troubles we will face is becoming more dependent on people, specifically, doctors. We will depend on their fallible wisdom, medicine and technology. When our hearts reject God this is our only choice – to make our child’s doctor our god and put our hope in him or her.
If we turn from God, we will no longer have His guidance and wisdom. It will be up to us to figure it all out. We can spend hours upon hours studying everything that has anything to do with our child’s health so we “know” exactly what needs to happen for treatment (of course, our decisions are based on mistake prone humans and their experiences). Or, we can go the other way, and completely put it all in the doctors’ hands – that puts us back to the situation above.
This is a horrible thing to think of, but it’s something that I’ve thought about often. What if Seth’s life was threatened and I didn’t have God to turn to? That thought is what always helped to bring me back from the brink of turning away – of hardening my heart. Ultimately, I only want Seth’s life in God’s hands.
But what about the troubles hard hearts bring on ourselves? This is the really yucky stuff. This is the wickedness I mentioned earlier. We allow it in only to have it then eat away at our hearts. Our worries and fears accumulate and consume us. They grow larger and more realistic until we believe they are truth. Our personality changes. We become angry, bitter, resentful, and afraid of everything. We’ve shut out the One who can destroy each of those evils AND replace them with incomprehensible goodness. Those attitudes are robbers. They cause us to miss out on the very thing we love so much – our family and more. We have to recognize that we are not the only ones effected by our hard hearts. We may believe they’re hidden away where no one else can see. But our loved ones always know if our heart is open and happy or closed and sad.
What do you do if your heart is either already hardened or wanting to harden? Can I tell you to have hope? You being here, at my site, shows that you’re seeking God in the middle of your struggle. The answer comes down to a simple prayer adapted from Ezekiel 36:26, “God please give me a new heart and a new spirit. Remove from me this heart of stone and give me a heart of flesh.” Then pray your hurt. Tell Him why your heart is hardening and ask Him to help.
If you could use some extra prayer, please e-mail me at Kimberly@kimberlyehlers.com or join our Yahoo! group (just fill out the form on the right side of this page).
So, how about it? Are you ready to free your heart from its prison? If you are, walk through “The Faith Challenge” step by step, letting God heal the hurt that has hardened your heart.
In His Love,
Kimberly
