It was such an honor to speak at Cindy Rushton’s Ultimate Homeschool Expo last Monday. I love the opportunity to connect with other Moms who also have precious little ones with health issues. I remember feeling so alone when Seth was little. I’m sure there were other families facing their own health issues, but I didn’t know about them. It’s such a gift to find friends who really understand. Even though our situations are different, we are so much a like – parents who love their children passionately and are dependent on God for help. Parents afraid for their child’s future.
While making this connection with other moms is wonderful, can I tell you something? It’s also heart breaking. I met one mother after another who’s swimming in a pool of guilt. They may be different looking pools, but the result is the same – they are bogged down in guilt. I understand how you’re feeling, I’ve been there myself. Sometimes our pools of guilt come from feeling away we don’t think we should feel. “I should be thankful instead of worried (or angry or fearful or whatever it is we feel).” “I should be grateful because things could be worse.”
We also swim in guilt for “failing” our child. We beat ourselves up thinking, “I should have caught it sooner.” “I didn’t do enough to help.” “I missed the warning signs.” When I was pregnant with Seth, we decided not to do an ultrasound. I can’t help but wonder if we would have had it done, would we have been able to do anything to limit the damage done to his over worked heart? (His heart was working double time to get his blood where it was supposed to go.)
There are so many ways for us to “fail” as parents! There’s a list of things that we’re not doing well enough. I should be: more patient, kinder, happier, wiser, more organized, more spontaneous… We could keep going, right? But, there’s also the list of things we want to stop doing: being so stressed out, being grumpy, and on and on the list grows.
Sometimes, we actually pull ourselves out of one pool of guilt just to dive into the next. Dear one, God wants us to climb out of the pool of guilt and swim in His sea of grace. Listen to His words and let them speak to your heart:
“Seeing then that we have a great High Priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need,”(Hebrews 4: 14-16, NKJ). I love The Message’s version, “Now that we know what we have—Jesus, this great High Priest with ready access to God—let’s not let it slip through our fingers. We don’t have a priest who is out of touch with our reality. He’s been through weakness and testing, experienced it all—all but the sin. So let’s walk right up to him and get what he is so ready to give. Take the mercy, accept the help.” Oh, sweet parent, take the mercy, accept the help!
I looked up the definition of grace at Dictionary.com, and, honestly, was surprised by what I read. I have been belittling the meaning of grace! This is how this site defines grace: the freely given, unmerited favor and love of god, the influence or spirit of God operating in humans to regenerate or strengthen them, also called state of grace. The condition of being in God’s favor or one of the elect.
Do you hear that? We have His unearned favor! He wants to renew and help us! Doesn’t that sound so good to your hurting heart? Let God give you the grace that He so desperately wants to give you. Your guilt has built up a dam holding back the flood of grace He’s ready to pour on you. Let Him break down that dam!
I want to share a lesson that God has recently taught me. As part of a class at church, I had to make a timeline of the major events (good and bad) in my life. When I did that, it clearly showed 15 years of one major event after another, mostly dealing with Seth’s health. I felt God whisper to my heart, “No wonder you were so stressed!” He always knew it, but I had to see my stress in black and white. Do you know what else God has done? Well, He didn’t condemn me, I had done that enough. He helped me to accept the grace and forgiveness that He had waiting for me behind the dam I had built up. I’m still learning about His grace, even as I write this, but I’m ready to swim in it, aren’t you? I want to splash and play and enjoy His favor. I want to float peacefully knowing that He is there ready to catch me.
I’m not just saying this to make us feel good. Let’s look at the heart of God and hear the great love He has for us,
“I taught Ephraim to walk,
Taking them by their arms;
But they did not know that I healed them.
I drew them with gentle cords,
With bands of love,
And I was to them as those who take the yoke from their neck.
I stooped and fed them.”
Hosea 11: 3-4 (New King James)
That’s the Father we serve. The dependable Daddy holding us by the hand, helping us to walk. The gentle Father longing for His children. Let that soak into your soul. I encourage you to read all of Hosea Chapter 11 to really understand God’s desire for relationship with us.
I have a question for you. What would you say to a friend going through what you’re going through? Would you slap her wrist and condemn her for not being a good enough Christian or mom? No, as a friend, you would pour out grace on her, wouldn’t you? You would support and encourage her. You would pray for her. When you find that, once again, you’re beating yourself up, please remember this question – what would you say to a friend? Then, say it to yourself. If you wouldn’t condemn your friend, don’t throw stones at yourself.
Now, this is not a license to sin and be cruel. If there’s one thing we learn from Jesus let it be that He is our Savior. If we repent of our sin the price has already been paid. There is no condemnation for us. “There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit,” (Romans 8:1, New King James). We still sin, but it is not who we are any more. We are His children. We are forgiven. The problem is that we tend to be overly critical of ourselves because of our love for our child and our stress. We repent and seek forgiveness, but we don’t let Him give it to us.
Take some time to dream. Dream about what you want your family life to be like. What kind of parent do you want to be? Do you long to be happy and enjoy every moment that you can? Think about what is most important to you. What would a wonderful day look like? Lay that dream at Jesus’ feet and let Him help you chase it.
It all begins with the determination to get out of the pool of guilt. Ask Him to destroy the dam you’ve built that holds back His grace. Then, get ready to swim in His sea of grace!
In His Love,
Kimberly
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Ready to swim in His grace, but have too much holding you down in the pool of guilt? Get to know your Father while you let go of the fears and worries that keep you stuck with “The Faith Challenge”.
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