As many of you know, my husband and I have one child, a boy, now 12. There are a couple of reasons I remember his birth like it was yesterday. First, it was the most incredible life changing experience I’ve ever had. Yes, even bigger than getting married. After all, I knew the man I was marrying well. On May 29, 1998 I met my baby boy for the first time. He was no longer the mysterious baby I carried everywhere with me for 9 months. He made his entrance into the world full of personality. A little one I had to get to know. The second reason I remember his birth so well is because it was the day I heard those words, “Something is wrong with your baby.”
After a day of labor, my husband and I spent our evening waiting for test results. Those tests found multiple heart defects. Seth had his first open heart surgery at 4 days old.
Maybe you were told there was a problem during an ultrasound. Maybe you were like us, surprised with bad news the day your child was born. What is a mommy to do when she hears those dreaded words, “Something is wrong”? Well, it’s normal to first go through shock and disbelief followed by feelings of fear and panic. When the panic subsides, we experience a heightened instinct to protect our baby. That desire drives our every thought turning us into a mama bear. We demand answers. We expect the doctor to “fix it” and we tirelessly seek information. (Actually, we’re very tired, but we are even more determined to find answers.)
Dear One, can I tell you though, that after our initial panic, we must fight to seek God above medicine, doctors, and information? We must force ourselves to run to His loving arms before we run to the doctor or the internet. When we need help making a decision and our child needs healing, we must seek God’s intervention first. Even in emergencies, we run to Him first, praying for wisdom, protection, and our child’s health as we drive to the hospital. We hand the hospital, the doctor, our child over to God. After all, we need Him to be in control of everything that’s happening right now. We decide to trust that He is good and wants good for our family. We cling to the promise He makes us in Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope,” (New King James Version). (I highly recommend keeping this verse near by all the time. You will need to remind yourself of God’s word to you often.)
Not only does God have good plans for our families and is ultimately in control of our lives, but He wants us to turn to Him first. I wrestle with sharing this verse with you, because if you are a mommy whose child has a serious health problem, I’m afraid you will grab on to its harsh beginning. I want to protect you from the scary, painful thoughts that it’s sure to stir up in your mind. PLEASE, read the whole verse and let me share with you what I think God wants you to understand. Listen to how 1 Chronicles describes King Saul (underlining is mine), “So Saul died for his unfaithfulness which he had committed against the LORD, because he did not keep the word of the LORD, and also because he consulted a medium for guidance. But he did not inquire of the LORD;” (1 Chronicles 10: 13-14a, New King James Version). Did you hear that? King Saul turned to another human instead of turning to God. Can you feel how that broke God’s heart? The God who loved Saul, and thought good thoughts of Him, who wanted so much for Saul’s future was rejected and replaced by a person.
King Saul wasn’t the only one to do this to God. King Asa, who once removed his own mother from the throne because of her idol worship, turned away from God (underlining mine), “And in the thirty-ninth year of his reign, Asa became diseased in his feet, and his malady was severe; yet in his disease he did not seek the LORD, but the physicians,” (2 Chronicles 16:12, New King James Version).
Both of these men began by loving God passionately. Both also gradually walked away from that love and focused it on someone else. King Saul turned to his many wives and their idols. King Asa lost his trust in God and gave it to others – first the Syrians and then a doctor.
If you take the time to read about these kings, you see how their turning from God led to their gradual death – a death that was just as spiritual as it was physical. King Saul and King Asa were both dedicated to God. Their relationship with Him led them to walk in confidence because they knew God. They knew His plan. They trusted in Him completely. But, eventually, Saul became driven to insanity by his sin. Asa’s fear grew and he trusted in people who harmed him instead. Their confident walk became a sick crawl.
Can you see how Saul’s unfaithfulness killed him? Both of these great kings began to die the moment they trusted in someone else. The life of God that filled them seeped out slowly and steadily with each new sin. Every time they rejected Him, darkness, fear, and evil filled the void of the love they lost. Their vibrant lives were gone.
So, what do we learn from these kings? Well, sometimes it’s easy to trust God. Sometimes it’s not. It’s in those times that it’s all too easy to trust in others. Those are the times we need to fight for our faith. We decide to turn to God before anyone else.
If we turn to science and the people who study it before we turn to God, what might our “death” look like? We would stay stuck in our initial panic and grab on to the doctors, medicine and research to solve our child’s problem. We would wear ourselves out trying to find answers. We wouldn’t sleep at night. Our personality would change as worry and tiredness consume us. We would lose our vibrant lives created by God’s love.
Yes, our god given purpose is to mother this special child of God, but it never comes before our higher calling – to be God’s child. Another verse I love is Matthew 11: 28-30, “‘Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light,’” (New International Version). This is the picture of what God wants for us right now in the middle of our trial. He doesn’t want you to be so frightened and weary. He wants you to seek Him and let Him carry your child.
What do you do if you recognize that you have been stuck in panic mode and you’re following the same path as the kings? You don’t beat yourself up. You thank God for loving you and your child so much. You tell Him your fears. You ask for His guidance. You yoke yourself to Jesus through prayer and reading God’s Word.
On the days your faith is weak and your doubts are loud, you join the father in Mark 9: 23-24, “Jesus said to him, ‘If you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes.’ Immediately the father of the child cried out and said with tears, ‘Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!’” (New King James Version). God will answer that prayer. He will help your unbelief.
Those scary words, “Something is wrong with your baby,” may seem like the end of the world, but it’s the beginning of your opportunity to see God move mightily for your little one. Hold tight to Him, Dear One, and never stop inquiring of the LORD, seeking His guidance.
In His Love,
Kimberly
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! Some of us have been give children with special health needs. God chose us to care for them, meet their needs, pray for them, be their advocate, and to always be by their side. He created us knowing this would be the path we took.
