Nothing breaks my heart quite like hearing a mom whose child is very ill accuse herself of self-pity. Is it really selfish or sinful to be upset over the hardship your family faces – especially over your child’s suffering? There is nothing more difficult than not being able to take your child’s pain away or give them the health other children have. It’s a punch to your stomach that leaves you breathless when you watch them struggle to keep up with friends. It hurts and it’s hard! Jesus knows that and listen to what He wants for you:
“Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light,” (Matthew 11:29-30, New King James Version.)
He doesn’t call us not to feel. He does call us to yoke ourselves to Him, and walk this life by His side. Because He knows how difficult life on earth is and that He is the only one who can ease our burden. He is compassionate. He is loving. I encourage you to read John 11:17-44. This is the powerful story about the death of Lazarus, and it reveals Jesus’ heart. It’s not just His heart towards Lazarus and his sisters, Mary and Martha, but it’s His heart towards us. In these verses, we read that Mary and Martha along with other Jews actually blamed Jesus for Lazarus’ death. In their love and hurt, they accused Him saying, “If you would have been here, Jesus, Lazarus would still be alive!” (Oh, does that sound familiar! How many times have I said something similar?) In spite of all the weeping, grieving, and blame, Jesus was still Jesus. He followed through with His plan. Did you ever hear Him say, “Stop pitying yourselves,”? No, He cried with them! Do you know that He cries with you? Your feelings, right or wrong, will not change God or His plan. He isn’t waiting for you to “get it right”.
Let’s step back and look at what self-pity really is. According to my Webster’s New World Dictionary, pity means to sorrow for another’s suffering or misfortune. Of course, you’re going to feel sorrow over your child’s illness and what it’s done to your family (and you!). You will grieve over the life you dreamt for them – the life “normal” kids and moms get to have. Self-pity, sorrowing over your whole family’s suffering, is part of the grief process. You’re grieving the loss of a dream and adjusting to a constantly changing reality. As your child deals with heart defects, leukemia, or whatever illness it is, the grief process doesn’t stop. You are grieving as long as they are ill. Don’t be surprised when old feelings pop up again, even though, you thought you had gotten over them.
My hope is that you will have the freedom to feel whatever it is that you feel. There is a reason for it. Each feeling reveals something that God wants to heal. It may not be a clear revolution, they usually aren’t, but it’s your signal that God wants to work in you. He’s calling you to open the door to His counsel.
Tomorrow we’ll talk more about our Counselor and the first danger of self-pity – ignoring our sorrow. This is a vital message about a topic not often talked about by Christians. I pray you will come back to hear it!
In His Love,
Kimberly
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