What’s your name? Who are you? Those are simple enough questions to answer aren’t they? Please indulge me a little bit and take a moment to think about how you would introduce yourself to someone new. You’ll have to stick with me, but I promise you’ll see where I’m going with that, and you’ll understand what’s going on with my picture!
Last Sunday, my pastor shared a thought that really hit me over the head. He was teaching us about Jesus healing the demonic man in Luke 8:26-39, when he got to Jesus’ question in verse 30, “Jesus asked him, saying, ‘What is your name?’” This is not an exact quote, but Pastor said something like this (see, the mental blow to my head stunned me just enough that I didn’t write quickly enough 
), “However you identify yourself reveals what you are in bondage to.” He gave an example of someone introducing themselves like, “I’m so and so, and I’m an alcoholic.” Clearly, someone who is an alcoholic has recognized their unhealthy attachment to alcohol. He also gave a hard to swallow example similar to, “I’m so-and-so, and I’m a mom.” Oh, ouch! But isn’t it a good thing to love and embrace being a mom? Aren’t we being obedient to God’s calling for a Christian woman’s life? I’ve heard, and understand, the warning against making your children little idols, but “in bondage to” my son and the role of parenting? No thank you!
And wait another minute! We aren’t just “ordinary” moms; God has called us to be moms to children with serious illnesses. Like an alcoholic, it isn’t a label we would have chosen for ourselves. We don’t think of their illness as an idol, but it certainly can make us feel enslaved to its demands. It dictates how we spend our days. It makes us go places mentally and physically that we don’t want to go – like the Emergency Room or on a guilt trip.
There are many things we have to do to care for our children that we pray God would take away. For now, those things are our responsibilities, like ‘em or not. There is a fine line between being the responsible parent that God wants you to be and receiving your identity through your child’s illness. It may sound like a huge jump to the average person, but for those of us who live this life we know it’s all too easy to go from meeting needs to being consumed by them.
What would it tell you if you and I met on the street and I said, “Hi, I’m Kim and I’m a heart mom?” Or if you met my made-up friend and she said, “Hi, I’m Sue and my son has leukemia?” You’ve learned immediately that something is wrong with our sons, right? I am very proud of my son and all that he’s been through, but would you have gotten that impression by my introduction? Maybe, but you probably would have imagined him as a very sick boy instead of the healthy vibrant young man he really is.
If that’s the way I introduce myself to others or if it’s how I see myself, even if I don’t tell anyone else, what does it reveal? Well, it shows me that this illness has effected the root of who I am so deeply that I can’t separate myself from it. I am in bondage to an illness. An illness is the master of not only my days, but my thoughts and feelings too. It means a yucky, hateful disease runs my life! When my pastor said that phrase I was stunned by not only the words but the image it created in my head. I could see an evil version of my son’s heart. I envisioned a gigantic, gray, defected heart with arms, legs, holes, and leaks. It was a wicked task master. Why would I want to be in bondage to such a beast?
Bondage to our child’s illness is bondage to a thing that destroys. It wants to destroy life. If we are enslaved to it, it will take our true identity, fill us with the emotions it breeds such as fear and anger, and it can ruin our relationships. It can also be a bondage to pride and attention. Yes, we can be prideful about our situation and feed off the attention it gives us.
After our bondage takes all these things from us and fills us with its garbage, we are broken and exactly where the enemy wants us – unable to glorify God and fulfill His commandments. We can’t love Him with all that we are because we’re already spent. We certainly can’t love our troublesome neighbors. Go and make disciples? Our own relationship with God seems either non-existent or strained, how can we possible help anyone else nurture their own? And the enemy dances for joy…
But we are neither helpless nor hopeless. Far from it! Unlike my picture, our identity doesn’t have to stay blurry and confused. We can see and share our real selves clearly because our Savior is the God of both hope and help, “Now may our Lord Jesus Christ Himself, and our God and Father, who has loved us and given us everlasting consolation and good hope by grace, comfort your hearts and establish you in every good word and work,” (2 Thessalonians 2: 16-17, NKJV).
How do we receive that and how do we remain responsible parents but free ourselves from bondage to this disease? We arm ourselves with the truth about who we are. “But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, to those who believe in His name,” (John 1:12, NKJV). If you believe in Christ as your Savior, you are a daughter of God. THAT is your identity – and it’s a powerful one! Next, we join Paul and choose to be the bondservant of the only one who is deserving, “Paul, a bondservant of God and an apostle of Jesus Christ, according to the faith of God’s elect and the acknowledgment of the truth which accords with godliness,” (Titus 1:1). Then, every day, through prayer and Bible study, we renew and strengthen our identity of daughter, bondservant of God. Through these practices, we yoke ourselves to Christ, “‘Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light,’” (Matthew 11:28-30). In our prayers, we can hand over our struggles with bondage to disease to God, lightening our load. Yes, my friend, this will be a process. The old slave master will not easily let you go, and it will be tempting for you to return – it gives you an identity you’re comfortable with because you know it well. Habit and desire for attention can also pull us back into its grasp. If we resist temptation, cling to our real identity in Christ, and continue actively yoking ourselves to Him, we will be free. The more we know God’s Word, we will know the truth and there is nothing more freeing. “Then Jesus said to those Jews who believed Him, ‘If you abide in My word, you are My disciples indeed. And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free,’” (John 8:31-32).
So, now, my sweet friend, who do you say you are?
If you would like to listen to my pastor’s sermon, you can go to http://www.graceb3.org/resources/sermons/following-jesus/ . You will find it under the title “Jesus Sets Captives Free”. It’s a powerful teaching, and you will be blessed!
In His Love,
Kimberly
