I know I’m taking the chance of hitting some nerves with this topic, but I hope you’ll give me the opportunity to share how I feel. See, I’m a label fighter. I love being a Christian homeschooling mom, but people will take those titles and try to determine who I am. They think I should dress a certain way, talk a certain way – they try to stuff me into a box. I don’t like boxes built by people. I want to live for my Father.
This label fighting all began the first time my son was called, “Heart Baby” instead of by his name. My hatred of labels grew each time my name was replaced by the much easier to remember, “Heart Mom”. My response to their label for my son was simple and said through clinched teeth, “His name is Seth.”
Why the anger, you may wonder? Maybe you are one who has embraced whatever label has been given to you or your child, and you don’t get me at all. Or maybe your child isn’t necessarily labeled with a title, but are they identified by their health problem? I have no issue with a nurse or doctor who says, “This is Seth and he is a cardiac kid,” IF that helps them to know how to care for him. My issue is forgetting the child and only seeing the problem.
This is why I hate labels – I’m a very visual person, words tend to make pictures in my mind. The title “heart baby” may sound sweet and endearing, but I see the words “disease” and “death” stamped onto my child’s forehead. It’s saying, “This is it. This is all you have to look forward to – disease, defects, death.” How about your child? Are they receiving labels that don’t encourage life? When I hear the title “Heart Mom”, I literally picture a woman holding a heart wrapped in a baby blanket. It’s as if that’s all we mother. We know that isn’t true. You mother your entire child, not just their illness, right? We feed them. We kiss their owies. We hug and hold our child. We get to know their personality and make adaptations for it. We read their favorite story so much, we know it from heart. We learn that our baby likes it when you walk with them instead of rocking in a chair. We may even buy a snake for our child who thinks they’re the most amazing creatures ever! We need to let our children develop their personalities freely without a label of disease holding them back. That’s what happens when we say to our child, “You are this illness.” We can do this to our child without a label. Any time we allow their health to define them; we lift the disease up and restrain their personality.
Believe me, I know, that it’s all too easy to let life be about our child’s health. That’s why I’d like to encourage you, Dear Parent, to ask yourself every once in awhile, “Is my identity coming from my child’s illness? Is theirs?” If you find that it does, it means that you are losing your God given identity (we’ll talk about that more in the next article) and degrading your humanity. When we let disease define us and our child and let it consume us, we are in danger of living for the disease instead of God. This can be tricky. You may have a strong desire to research, to read and to learn about this disease. You may have the heart to reach out and minister to others in similar situations. (You may not be ready to hear this, but I do believe God wants to use your family in His ministry. He probably already is.) BUT, don’t let it become who you are! You and your child are so much more! Give those desires of your heart to God and ask Him to keep your motives pure – done for Him and not the disease.
Tomorrow, we’ll talk about the one label we want to fight to keep and a bit more about just how ugly the wrong labels can be. Then, we’ll conclude this little series by looking at the battles we’ll face if our children embrace their labels. I’ll warn you, it’s not pretty…
In His Love,
Kimberly
Kimberly@kimberlyehlers.com
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