Today, we’re going to time to look at the dangers our children face when they embrace their labels or disease. We’ll also find that we face the same dangers. I know that I’m taking the chance of really stepping on some toes, but please remember that I know these dangers because I’ve experienced them. This is the longest of the 3 articles and that’s why I’m jumping right in. It will be well worth the time. We’re going to get real specific about dangers, how to avoid or deal with them, and then look at the good stuff God has for our children when they embrace their true identity.
When disease and defects become who our child is Self-Limitation and Pride eagerly seep into their hearts. They may be subtle at first, but it doesn’t take long for them to gain complete control.
Self-Limitation
We have to be realistic, our kids do have limitations. BUT we can easily become too realistic. We can worry about every possible (and impossible) thing that could/might go wrong. We can limit our child more than necessary so that they lose out on the life they do have. When Seth was younger, when we were only aware of 1 hole in his heart, the doctor warned us that bruises could cause clots that could go through that hole to his brain and cause a stroke. Remember me telling you that I’m very visual? Well, immediately I imagined me spending my days chasing Seth around trying to keep him from falling, preventing bruises. What kind of life is that for me or him? My husband and I agreed that was something we would have to trust God with and let go of. We decided to make the choice to allow the possibility of something terrible happening, even death, over controlling our son so much he was miserable. We’ll talk more later about what we can do as parents to help our children be wise but free from unnecessary fear.
For now, let’s look at how our kids can use their health to limit themselves. Our little angels can use their situations as an excuse to get out of doing something they don’t want to do. Yep, they can take advantage of their health problems. When I taught public school, I once heard of a child who would cause himself to have seizures to get out of taking tests. Obviously, this kind of behavior is not going to help them be successful.
Sometimes that self-limitation comes from fear. Fear can be a warning from God, but it can also be an attack from the enemy. Kids can be afraid of failure or of what could happen. Either way, if a child limits himself, they are living under the thumb of disease. It will make it much more difficult for them to be obedient to God’s plans for their lives.
Pride
A sweet friend of mine just went through a major struggle with God. Her health problems had become such a part of her life that when she met someone, she introduced herself through sharing those problems. It was, “Hi, I’m so and so, and I have this wrong with me…”. Her lack of health was her identity. She did not like it when God showed her that her real problem was pride.
Sometime our children need to be able to express, “I’ve been through so much! This is hard!” It’s OK to have those times. When they go through a surgery or difficult procedure, they’ve certainly earned extra TLC. The problem is that too much self-pity and attention can both lead to pride.
Just as we aren’t ashamed of our child, we never want them to feel ashamed of their health issues. But, they can go the other way very quickly. They find out that their health struggles are a great way to get attention. The attention they receive feeds their ego and sense that “it’s all about me”. They can also become impressed with themselves and all they’ve gone through. Soon what God meant for His glory has created a little monster!
So, what do we do? First, we pray daily that God will protect our child from pride. Pray even harder against that before they go through any procedure that will bring them gifts and attention. Again, they deserve that attention, just ask God to keep pride away.
If it’s too late for that, and you’ve got a pride-filled child on your hands; pray that God will humble them. Sadly, to break pride they will probably have to fall (Proverbs 16:18). You, Mom, have to be prepared to let them. We also pray that self-limits and fear will be removed so that God will be glorified through them. Pray that God will give them and us wisdom about their limits. Second, we have to keep our own pride and excessive limitations in check. We have to model humility (it’s not “all about me”), glorify God every chance we get, and not let ourselves be controlled by fears.
We need to be so careful not to project our fears onto our children. They deserve the freedom to be a kid as much as they possibly can. We have to stand back and weigh whether the fear we feel is legitimate and wise or if we’re afraid of seeing them fail. It does hurt to see our kids not able to do something. I remember so clearly a time when Seth was little running with other kids and not being able to keep up. It broke my heart to see his desire to run and have fun while he sat and watched the others play. We will face those times – those reminders that our child is not like everyone else.
That’s exactly why we have to work hard at filling them with the knowledge that they are more valuable than anything they can or can’t do. That knowledge begins by removing any labels that hang over their heads limiting them. We help them to see that not everyone can do everything they want. We are all uniquely made by a Father who has a special plan just for us. He has a special plan just for them that no one else can fulfill, (Jeremiah 29:11). What a dull world it would be if we were all alike! One of the things that I believe has really helped my son develop his sense of self has been Tae Kwon Do. It’s done at the student’s pace but it always challenges them. They get to see just how capable they really are.
A couple of years ago, when Seth’s oxygen level ran in the mid-80’s, we went on a trip with family to Yellowstone. We took a hike that rapidly climbed up. Of course, the higher altitude made it difficult for Seth. My husband’s cousins had been there before and encouraged us to go ahead; they’d hang back with Seth. Evidently, an active senior citizen belittled Seth for sitting down and taking a break. If she could do it, she thought he should too. She looked at him as another lazy kid. I found out about it and became her stalker. I waited hoping she’d come back down the path so I could straighten her out. I didn’t get that chance, but I did get the chance to have an honest talk with my son. How the woman treated him was wrong, but, really, what did it matter what she thought? He isn’t living for her and we have to let people like her go (not stalk them:)).
That’s what we do. We talk with our child and we listen to their hearts to help them through everything that comes their way. Keep the communication lines open, but also be cautious of making things into a bigger deal than they are to your child.
We hope, pray, and try to guide them to holding tightly to the beautiful label, “Child of God”. That is who they (and we) really are. Talk about what that means for them. Read Scripture together – go to www.BibleGateway.com and do keyword searches on phrases like “Child of God”, “God’s Love”, and “God’s Plan”. Share with them verses that will bless them.
When they embrace who they are, they learn that their life and all that they go through is for God’s glory and His purpose. But, they will also know that they are deeply and passionately loved. Mom, God does not see your child as a sacrificial lamb. He does not sacrifice children to bring rebellious people into His Kingdom. He will not harm your child to save others. He is working His Plan for His glory with great love and care for you and your child.
Children also learn that God wants to use their lives to minister to others. He will use them to encourage and give hope. Most of all, He will use their lives to turn hearts back to Him. His plans are so big, bigger than we can comprehend, but they include the best for your child and reminding others that He is still here waiting for them to return.
Walk together as a family with the only label that fits. Walk as sons and daughters of the Almighty God.
In His Love,
Kimberly
Kimberly@kimberlyehlers.com
